“Change your mindset.” “Get your head in the game.” “Think like a millionaire.” We’ve all heard these phrases in cheesy motivational speeches or plastered over billboards. “Mindset” is so overused that people almost feel demotivated when they hear it.

But mindset is a concept I have deeply pondered for years. For anyone struggling with a disability, a positive mindset is crucial. For me, having a good mindset is a way to level the playing field and find success where I feel at my strongest.

The way I see it, mindset is a verb. It describes how a person chases their goals, engages with challenges, interacts with others and how they create their environment. Simply put, mindset is the fuel we use to drive the engine of our dreams.

Here’s a few examples of how mindset manifests in everyday life:

• The way you say good morning;
• Making a to-do list;
• How you deal with traffic or a rude waiter;
• The love you show friends, family or strangers;
• How focused you are when performing any job;
• Your reaction when something goes wrong;
• How you react to an insult;
• The way you greet people;
• How you plan your day, your week, your month or even your year (clap, clap clap)

We make hundreds of decisions each day. Some have immediate consequences while the ripples of others only wash up on life’s shore years later. These myriad tiny decisions are the building blocks of our success and are the sum of who we are. Adopting an intentional mindset is the key to ensure these actions are, on balance, more positive than negative. “Intent” means each action must have a clear purpose, or what the sociologists call “agency.

An intentional mindset is about taking control of your life by making conscious choices. This can be scary since what hurts you in the short run may help you in the long run. But an intentional mindset is important for embracing life’s ever-changing flow and calmly engaging with that change confidently. A big part of such a pursuit is about soaking up the lessons offered by positive role models who have already achieved your dreams. One of the ways to improve and upgrade your life is to be exposed to a better mindset. 

One of the most notable works about mindset is the idea of “fixed” and “growth” mindsets, developed by Stanford University researcher Dr. Carol Dweck.

According to Dweck, a person with a fixed mindset thinks their inherent traits, intelligence and abilities are permanent and any effort to develop them is pointless. They believe in luck and use fate to explain everything that happens in their life. To them, failure defines who they are as a person, so they tend to hide their flaws in case they are “found out.” This inevitably means they avoid challenges and ignore feedback since it can sound too much like a personal attack.

On the other hand, a person with a growth mindset knows they can improve their life, get smarter and achieve mastery. They believe effort is necessary and that mistakes and flaws are opportunities for growth. A person with a growth mindset believes feedback is powerful and they actively search it out.

But it’s not one or the other. Dweck says a person can have a fixed mindset in one area (such as in their personal life) and a growth mindset in another (such as their career). Equally, a person can have buckets of confidence for finding new friends but turn into a cactus of nervousness when asking someone out on a date. And while many people can achieve great success with a fixed mindset, others never get out of the shadows even after adopting a growth mindset. Mindset can be a complex issue.

Let’s use Dweck’s concept as a jumping off point for creating an amazing mindset.

Reaction to Reality

It is true that some things in life cannot be changed no matter the mindset, like scientific truths or the weather. It’s also impossible to change other people if they don’t want to change. But by focusing on those unchangeable aspects, we can easily create an excuse to avoid working on what we can change. This is the dreaded “victim” mindset.

Understanding the Victim Mindset

In my experience, there is a difference between acting like a victim and being a victim. A victim mindset is often the psychological result of refusing to take responsibility for your life. We are all responsible for achieving our goals, asking for help, engaging with others and growing ourselves. The tricky part about personal responsibility is that many challenges may not be your fault. Yet it is your responsibility to work on them. The path towards success won’t be linear; there will be ups and downs. But the number one goal should always be to improve your life. 

Be Aspirational

It’s easy to let circumstances trick us into thinking we don’t deserve a better life. Pursuing an amazing life starts with being willing to take little steps to make that better life happen. That’s why having a clear aspiration is so important. Sometimes aspiration means changing our environment and the people with whom we commonly interact, since both these factors are enormously influential on our mindset.

Three Parts of Mindset

Mindset should be split into three equal parts. The first part involves understanding and applying the universal principles of success – such as, working with (not against) reality, focusing on goals and processes, developing habits, improving relationships, dealing with challenges, showing gratitude, upgrading your information diet and developing emotional discipline. These principles can clarify your mindset and help you filter out the negative messaging bombarding your brain from outside influences.

The second part is about developing a specific approach to reach your goal. For example, a lawyer’s mindset will be different from a doctor’s mindset because they have different goals. But at a deeper layer, an oncologist will have a different mindset to a pediatrician. The trick is to define the requirements of the job or goal and understand the right steps for reaching success.

The third part is knowing your unique challenges. Some obstacles can leave you feeling out of place, alone and frustrated. But it is important to remember that nothing is new under the sun. There is always someone else who has dealt with similar problems and who can offer excellent advice if you just ask them. Of course, your own problems will carry specific foibles that no one else has. Yet the answer to any challenge – unique or shared – is to become the kind of person who deals with challenges with a positive mindset.

Sourena’s Five Keys to an Amazing Mindset

Below is a universal mindset framework that can be applied at any job, when raising your kids, in a friendship and even for supporting intimate relationships.

The Five Steps:

• Rewrite your narrative — Have you ever tried to achieve a goal and felt like everything that can go wrong did go wrong? That’s just your luck, isn’t it? Life always happens to you that way… why should your business or your career be any different? Well, the truth is, it can and will be different but that starts with you and the story you keep telling yourself about why you haven’t achieved your goals. Life doesn’t happen to you, and I hate to break it to you, but you are the reason you’re not reaching your goals. Taking accountability for the narrative you tell yourself is the key to breaking the cycle of underperformance that you’re stuck in.
• Improve your habits — Once you realize that YOU are the reason you do or don’t achieve your goals, it becomes easier to see the habits that you create that contribute to your success… or failure. Having success in your business or career comes back to the habits you set for yourself — everything from how you care for yourself, to your wellbeing, to your work habits. You need to end the habits that are causing your underperformance, and start creating habits for success.
• How you deal with challenges — Until now, your internal narrative, habits and reactions to challenge have directly contributed to your underperformance… but that can change. Building a successful business or career is going to come with adversity… you might as well accept that now. You need to improve the way you deal with these challenges so that any minor disruption doesn’t detract you from achieving your goals.
• How you interact with people — You need people to help you reach your goals. Period. None of the successful people you admire did it alone… and you can’t either. Breaking the cycle of underperformance will be easier when you have the right people around you. When you realize how much the people in your life can either help or harm you success, it will become easier to bring the right people in to help your success.
• Be clear on what you want and how you get there — It’s pretty simple… if you’re not clear on what you want, you’re not going to get there. Deciding on and setting clear goals is the first key to actually achieving them… because you can then build the habits and the people around you to help ensure your success. 

These are the necessary elements for an amazing life. They encompass both the big picture and all the little, boring, daily challenges we face. However, there is a distinction between wanting a better life and being aspirational. An aspirational mindset needs constant work and dedication. You might try ten times and fail. But if you learn from your mistakes and avoid the urge to let your circumstances define you, it is possible to succeed. You must fight your obstacles. You must fight to create healthy relationships. You must fight the lack of clarity. That’s the power of a good mindset.

Now, listen closely. I want to change your mind:

Imagine if …

The story of your past and your dreams was empowering instead of self-defeating.

Imagine if …

You could develop actions and habits that made you hyper-productive instead of just going with the flow.

Imagine if…

Your challenges did not feel like an anchor, but instead like a small bump in the road.

Imagine if…

You were surrounded by mutually supportive people who together could achieve your dreams.

Imagine if…

You had a crystal-clear vision about life’s direction, an abundance of motivation and a set path to reach an amazing life.

What would you do with all of this?

My role is to nudge you on a better path, to reframe your mindset and supply you with the tools you need to achieve amazing. I have also struggled with developing a positive mindset during my life and discovered a wonderful map to follow. Let me be your guide.

Three short lines

Mindset is the fuel we use to drive the engine of our dreams

We make hundreds of decisions each day. Some have immediate consequences while the ripples of others only wash up on life’s shore years later

A person with a fixed mindset thinks their inherent traits, intelligence and abilities are permanent and any effort to develop them is pointless

Three longer lines

An intentional mindset is about taking control of your life by making conscious choices. This can be scary since what hurts you in the short run may help you in the long run. But an intentional mindset is important for embracing life’s ever-changing flow and calmly engaging with that change confidently

A person can have buckets of confidence for finding new friends but turn into a cactus of nervousness when asking someone out on a date. And while many people can achieve great success with a fixed mindset, others never get out of the shadows even after adopting a growth mindset. Mindset can be a complex issue

There is a distinction between wanting a better life and being aspirational. An aspirational mindset needs constant work and dedication. You might try ten times and fail. But if you learn from your mistakes and avoid the urge to let your circumstances define you, it is possible to succeed