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Calmly Anxious

My life is about to change…in the best way possible. I often wondered if I would ever have a child, and now–on July 8th–baby Andrew is due to come into the world.

(By the way, that little boy already has more stuff than I do! This is a dream come true.)

Like any first time father, I always assumed that I would have a “freak out moment” when my wife became pregnant, but I’m calm.

Over the years, I thought about what it means to be a father. To me, part of being a father is picking up the baby, changing diapers, watching the baby when my wife goes out to dinner, and other things as the child grows older, like coaching his baseball team. I have friends who have children and I watch them interact, knowing that the interaction I have with my child(ren) will be different. It used to sadden me that I would never be able to go to a baseball game with my kid until he’s sixteen, so he can drive his pops.

Surprisingly, those emotions have not come up frequently. However, they are in the back of my  mind. They tell me that I should be careful, which is good. But overall, I’m really excited. I’m excited because of everything I can do. This year I have been in a really good place. Emotionally, physically, and work wise. My understanding of life and happiness has gone to a new level. I have discovered that happiness is really a choice.

I will have my moments, but for now, I’m happy.

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