Do You Let Your Feelings Get in The Way?

goals May 05, 2019

Factors that get in the way of amazing success and your dreams is the way we feel about situations, the way we feel about performing activities, the way we feel about others, or the way we feel about life in general. This is a topic I read about in the 5 Second Rule, by Mel Robins.

When we think of feelings, automatically, we think about sensitive people who cry at movies or people who get their feelings hurt over a joke. Everybody has feelings about their own lives, what it takes to succeed, what gives them pleasure, and what gives them pain.

Robins writes that people are not afraid of hard work. They are afraid of stress. It’s not inherently hard to have to call customer service, but we all have feeling towards that. When we have to have a tough conversation, it’s not inherently hard, but it can be stressful. We play out negative scenarios in our heads and these feelings get in the way of habits and routines.

The reason bad habits are so attractive and good habits are less attractive is because negative habits make us feel so good in the moment. Watching television, eating that cookie, taking a sip of a cocktail, blaming others for our problems all provide immediate gratification and make us feel good in the moment.

One reason that we don’t have bad habits all the time is because we are afraid of the consequences of simply abandoning our habits. For example, if we don’t feel like going to work, we know that not going to work will lead to us getting fired. This will, in turn, lead to unpaid bills, which then leads to lights being turned off, water being disconnected, and so on.

 One issue that I struggle with is that I need a lot of help with my disability. When you depend on people like I do, it can get exhausting asking people for help. I am very in tune to others’ emotions and there have been moments when I have felt that I exhaust people with my disability. There have been some moments when I had to think twice or have not been honest about what I needed to request from them.  My feelings got in the way of accomplishing my goals.

A great parent often does not care what their child feels like doing or not. In reality, the parent cares deeply about whether or not their child is happy. Feelings are not always congruent with what is going to get you to amazing success. The great parents understand that they have to sacrifice for ultimate success. In the same vein, you have to understand that your feelings need to be sacrificed for amazing success.  Going back to the example of not feeling like going to work, therefore causing a chain reaction, you must realize that other feelings are getting in the way of amazing success. They might not have the same obvious trajectory of not missing work, but they can have a much deeper trajectory. 

I Don’t Feel Like It

There will be activities in every endeavor that you don’t feel like doing properly. “I feel like calling customer service,” are words that rarely get used together. Tough conversations, boring tasks, frustrating situations, uncomfortable instances, and scary events are all examples of tasks that we never feel like doing. To achieve amazing success, we have to forget our feelings and just go do it.

I’d Rather Do Something Else

For every uncomfortable, scary, frustrating, boring situation, there is always something else. You feel like watching television rather than calling customer service.  You feel like complaining to your friend instead of confronting your coworker. You feel like ignoring issues and hoping that it will just go away instead of confronting it and dealing with it in the moment. You feel like thinking and complaining about your problems instead of taking actions to solve them. You feel like complaining about how unhappy you are instead of taking the steps to get happy.

You Feel That You Are Not Enough

One thing that prevents you from amazing success is that you feel as though you don’t have enough resources to succeed or you don’t have enough confidence to succeed.  In my life, I have spent periods wondering if my disability was too much to deal with.  I would often wonder if I could find the team members or the resources that would fill in the gaps that my disability left. Everybody has similar feelings in their life and these feelings can get in the way of their habits and success. In some instances, you will have events that will validate your feelings. In fact, you might have more events that give you reasons or feelings not to achieve success. There have been moments in my life when I thought I was being taunted by my disability.

Interpretations

Mel Robbins talks about interpretations of physiological reactions. She says that the same exact reaction of excitement happens whether you are nervous or excited. She gives an example of being excited at a concert versus being nervous to go into an IEP for her son. The reason why you are okay with being excited at a concert is simple.  You want to be there. The body’s reaction does not bother you like it does in an uncomfortable situation because you are excited to be there. When Robbins started speaking professionally, she used to get nervous. She assumed that, as she spoke more, the nervousness would subside. When it didn’t, she started interpreting that reaction as being excited to be there.

Feelings will always be a part of our lives. We don’t want to abandon our feelings. I never want to disregard the feelings that I have about the people who help me out.  There are some activities which I never will feel like doing. The goal is not to abandon our feelings, but to work through our feelings to achieve amazing success.

Summary:

 On the road to amazing success, it is not unusual for our feelings to occasionally get in the way. It is important to learn how to navigate our feelings in order to achieve the utmost success in our lives.

 

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