Nobody is born knowing what it takes to navigate this world — let alone achieve success. From the moment we arrive, we're learning from others. We're also figuring out how to express our thoughts, manage our emotions, and get the right people on our side. That's not a weakness. It's how human beings are wired.

Here's the problem: somewhere along the way, the word "influence" got hijacked. Today it's almost entirely associated with follower counts, brand deals, and going viral. But what if I told you that real influence — the kind that actually changes outcomes — is one of the most powerful strategies you can develop for building better relationships, achieving your goals, and sharpening your mindset?

Let's talk about what it actually looks like.

Part of achieving any goal is learning what's possible and learning how to build win-win relationships. That requires a two-sided equation: having the right influence on others AND being willing to be influenced by the right people. The challenge? At some point, most of us start celebrating our independence. We take pride in thinking for ourselves — and honestly, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm even bold enough to think that what I have to say is worth putting in books, YouTube videos, and blog posts.

But here's the truth: there are a handful of ideas and strategies that can help anyone be amazing — help anyone work through a challenge or pursue a goal. Whether you're trying to lose a few pounds, build a business, raise healthy kids, create passive income, manage anxiety, live with a disability like mine, or develop a stronger mindset, there are people who have already solved the puzzle you're working on. They're out there. The question is whether you're willing to let their wisdom reach you.

Many people aren't. They've elevated their independent thinking so high that they stop absorbing new information. They don't ask for help. They don't read books. They say things like, "I did my own research" — and they mean it as a badge of honor. But what they're really doing is cutting themselves off from the very insights that could move them forward.

Throughout my life, I've always had mentors and advisors — people who gave me feedback, encouragement, and different perspectives. My parents were among the smartest people I've ever known, and their wisdom still echoes in everything I do. When I was younger, I had no idea how to publish a book, put together a keynote speech, or navigate social media. And until a few years ago, AI wasn't even on anyone's radar. I had to invite people into my life who could influence how I think and what I implement. That choice changed everything.

Being influenced is being willing to listen and learn. It's about letting the right message land. And here's where it gets important: many people have the wrong influences in their lives. They're getting advice from peers who are dealing with the same struggles they are — people who tell them what they want to hear instead of what they need to hear. That's not influence. That's just noise with a familiar voice.

Being aspirational means thinking and acting beyond your current situation. And there are all kinds of people who can help you do that — people who can help you make smarter decisions, think through complex problems, work through challenges, or completely transform how you see yourself. You can find them through mentors, coaching programs, and masterminds. You can even find them on social media — not the ones selling magic pills, but the ones consistently sharing content that actually improves your life.

Jim Rohn said it best: we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. Think about the conversations happening in your closest circle. Some friend groups talk about what's wrong with everything — who wronged them, who's to blame, what forces are keeping them down. Other friend groups talk about building careers, improving their health, becoming better people, solving problems instead of complaining about them. Both groups are being influenced. The question is which group is influencing you.

When you decide to be influenced by someone — whether through a real relationship or simply by consuming their content — make sure they genuinely inspire you and have good intentions. That doesn't mean they can't charge for their services or make money from their expertise. It just means their guidance should actually help you move toward your goals. Be aware that some influencers exist to divide, distract, and keep you stuck. Instead of giving you strategies to grow, they get you fired up and hand you a list of people to blame.

The other side of this coin matters just as much: having influence yourself. At some point, all of us need others to act, engage, or move with us toward a shared goal. Getting your kids to develop strong habits, rallying a team around a shared vision, or convincing a client to take a step that's genuinely good for them — these are all acts of influence. And when done with integrity, influence isn't manipulation. It's leadership.

The problem is that too many people use influence not to elevate others, but to serve their own agenda — sometimes at the direct expense of the people they're supposed to be helping. Real influence doesn't work that way.

Both sides of influence — being influenced and being an influence — are a skill and an art. Being influenced starts with knowing what you want and being intentional about who you let into your thinking. Exercising influence requires good intentions and the ability to inspire others to believe they're worth following. When both sides are operating the right way, relationships get stronger, goals become achievable, and lives actually change.

Here's your takeaway: Stop measuring influence by follower counts. Start measuring it by the quality of the conversations you're having, the mentors you're learning from, and the impact you're creating for others. That's the version of influence that builds something real.

Drop a comment below and tell me — who has been the biggest influence in your life? And are you intentionally seeking out the right voices to help you grow?