The type of questions we ask ourselves can either empower us, keep us stuck, or lead to a downward spiral.

"Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers."
— Tony Robbins

One way we can grow as a person is by asking empowering questions. On the flip side, there is a difference in the quality of questions that we ask. If we ask why is this happening, why is life so unfair, why am I so unlucky, why is that idiot successful and I'm not—we are wondering about why life is unfair.
However, there are questions that can empower us, and the quality of the questions and the pursuit of quality answers can literally transform our lives.
From "Why Can't I" to "How Can I"Instead of asking why can't I, ask how can I.
Growing up, I made an assumption that I could not live on a college campus because of my disability. I assumed that nobody would be willing to help me in the restroom or help me take a shower in the morning. Up until I was twenty, rarely did I have anybody except my parents help me in the restroom. The handful of times that I had others help me, it was awkward and uncomfortable.

I was okay and accepted this reality until I watched other friends go off to college and wondered, why not me? I blamed everything on my disability. I also projected into the future, saying that my disability was going to prevent me from doing all kinds of things in my life. It was the first time I thought and acted like a victim. A lot of the stories that I told myself were why not me. One day, my friend called me from college and told me how great it was. I got off the phone, started to cry, and my concerned dad asked what was wrong. All I could say was, "I'm going to USC." My dad asked how, and I said, "I have no idea."

Although going to USC was far from certain, I started asking myself better questions, like: Is this possible? Is this realistic? Is there anybody else in this situation? Can I look at the elderly who need similar assistance and take a lesson from that?
Then I did something bold. I called USC and asked for a meeting where I could ask all these questions and more. Guess what? I learned I could do it. Less than a year later, I was a student at USC. Fewer than two years later, I actually graduated from USC. Even more remarkable, I did not die of embarrassment.
The Right Questions Lead to Success

Achieving goals often starts with asking the right questions, and a successful person is never done asking questions. I ask questions almost every day. Here's the caveat: It has to be the right question. They have to be empowering. They are tactical rather than ethereal.
Examples of empowering questions are: How did this person achieve their goals? What is the process? What can I learn that I don't know? What books can I read on this subject? Who can I reach out to for advice and feedback? Can I hire a consultant or coach to help me? Who can I follow on social media to help me with my goals or dealing with challenges?

Although asked in the right way, questions like why is this happening, why is life so unfair, why isn't life easier, and other seemingly ethereal questions tend to put the onus and responsibility not on you, but on other people. There is a way to answer them in an empowering manner. Many people ask these questions, not for good answers, but as a way to vent and complain.

The Art of Asking for Help
There have never been more ways to ask questions. You can ask Google and YouTube. You can ask ChatGPT and other AI. You can get mentors, ask at industry events, or even ask the people you work with.

Asking for help is a certain kind of question, but there's an art to asking for help. You can't go up to a business consultant and say, "Make me rich." You can't go up to a psychologist and say, "Make me happy." Clarity is key when asking for help. You have to be clear in your own mind where you need help and how others can help you. If you want to engage with a business consultant, a psychologist, or even a trainer, you have to explain your goals and challenges to them. The more you can have a dialogue, the better outcome you can have.

Whether I need help with my disability or I'm trying to achieve a business goal, I am always clear about what I need and how they can help. If I don't articulate what I'm trying to do or what challenges I face or the challenges that are on the horizon, they cannot help me as much. Think of asking a grumpy teen what's wrong and you might get a tepid, "I don't know." Many people can't articulate their goals or even what they think is holding them back.

Embrace the Answers and Take Action
It starts with a desire to improve your life and moves into asking the right questions. More importantly, it's about accepting and embracing the answers you get. Some people don't ask questions because if you get the answers, we might have to change and do some work. One of the most challenging aspects of achieving your goals is being willing to go through the uncomfortable process of changing your approach to life.

If you give a business coach a series of questions, they're going to give you a list of items that need to be implemented. If you ask a trainer how do I fit into that little black dress—you know, the one in your closet, the one that you're afraid to take out—he might ask you to eat chicken breasts, run on a treadmill for 45 minutes, and don't even say do burpees.

Empowering questions can literally be your first step on your journey to transformation. Be willing to ask empowering questions. Be willing to accept the answers and implement them in your process. Ask for feedback and advice over validation and cheerleading. Be curious about how you can take your life to the next level. Questions can be a powerful method to achieve your goals and transform your life. Go out there and start asking questions that can improve your life.