I can't pick up my phone with the ease of others, and I can't speak freely. Yet I've built a life that a lot of people said wasn't possible for someone like me. It wasn't luck, and it wasn't raw talent. It was mindset. And by mindset, I don't mean a poster on the wall. I mean a system.

Mindset and personal development can feel like an afterthought, or even a luxury. When you're working to improve your life, dealing with challenges, or simply trying to get by, it's easy to believe that your life and your future are decided by chance and circumstance. Maybe you feel there are no opportunities for you. Maybe you believe success requires luck, natural talent, or being born in the right zip code.

Here's what I've learned: most people have far more control over the direction of their life than they think. It takes hard work, creative thinking, a way to deal with challenges, a network of people around you, and a handful of other strategies. That's where mindset comes in.

I've been thinking, reading, and writing about these ideas since the early 2000s. I had to. I needed a way to compete in a non-disabled world as a disabled person. I call mindset my great equalizer.

The physical side of my disability is hard. But in a strange way, the psychological side has often been harder, and harder to get used to. Wanting to do something and watching other people do it with ease. Waiting for someone to help me. Not having free-flowing speech, or not being able to pick up my phone and look something up. That can feel heavy.

What frustrated me most was never the physical difficulty itself. It was the possibility that my disability could keep me from experiencing everything life has to offer. I couldn't accept that. I'm driven by having as many experiences as I can, despite my disability. That includes working on creative projects that spark my curiosity, learning a new technology, collaborating with professionals who intrigue me, and even speaking on stage. Personally, I crave deep relationships: falling in love, having kids, watching a game with the guys, and everything that comes with being a father to my two sons, Andrew and Tyler.

It wasn't always this way. There were stretches of my life when I defined my potential by my disability and my circumstances. Developing a strong mindset wasn't a hobby for me. It was a necessity.

So what is mindset? It isn't a vague, abstract idea. It isn't something that belongs on a motivational poster or in a cheesy sports movie. It's an approach. It's a system, a way of thinking through everything that has to do with going after your goals.

My definition is this: mindset is the way you go after your goals, deal with challenges, interact with others, and even go about your day. It's a philosophy, but it's also a system that shapes almost every part of your life. And inside that system are several smaller systems. That's what makes mindset so important and so powerful.

• How you approach your goals. Every goal, from losing weight to raising kids, has an approach. If you want to lose weight, you eat well and exercise. If you want to raise good kids, you keep communicating with them and keep asking what's best for them. Unfortunately, many people approach their goals one way and never question it.
• How you deal with challenges. There is no success without challenges. Period. Every success story comes with serious obstacles. You could even say that success is simply the skill of dealing with challenges well. Life isn't always simple or clear, and there will be problems you have to fight through and figure out. Effort and results don't always line up, either. Sometimes you work hard for small results, and sometimes your results come from past efforts, or from someone else's. That's why resilience, the ability to keep going and adjust when things get hard, matters so much. Every successful person's story is a story of working through challenges.
• How you interact with others. We live in communities. We're part of families. We work in teams. We lean on each other, and we copy each other's behavior. People are human, with their own quirks, and they're often emotional rather than rational decision makers. A strong mindset includes a way to build a team that supports you, and that you support in return, as you each go after your goals.
• How clear you are. You need clarity about what you want, what's holding you back, who can help you, and whatever else you need to understand in order to move forward.
• Whether you initiate. It's up to you to set goals. It's up to you to deal with your challenges. It's up to you to build and maintain relationships. Many people wait for something to happen before they improve their lives, but change starts with you. If you're unhappy with your body, it's up to you to go to the gym and eat better. If you have an idea for a creative project or a business, it's up to you to pursue it. If you need more skills, or more connections to build those skills, it's up to you to go find them. Before you can change your life, you must change your approach to life. Don't let your life be decided by things outside your control.
• How you handle your emotions. Emotions are a powerful force, and if you're not careful, they can run your life and decide your outcomes. We're emotional beings. Part of building a strong mindset is simply understanding your emotions and managing them. Use emotions like desire and motivation as a springboard, and limit the pull of fear, anxiety, and nervousness.
• How curious you stay. Curiosity is essential to an amazing life. It's what pushes you to try new things, learn, and keep asking what else is possible. For me, curiosity is the reason I refuse to let my disability shrink my world.

I've distilled all of this into a five-part framework I call Sourena's Five Keys to an Amazing Mindset: rewriting your narrative, improving your processes and habits, dealing with challenges, interacting with others, and gaining clarity.

Life would be easier if it were simple. It isn't, and no one can understand every nuance of it. But that doesn't mean you should overcomplicate things. A strong mindset does the opposite. It simplifies and prioritizes the factors that actually get you onto a better path.

That's what I mean by an aspirational mindset. You think, act, and go after your goals with the intent of reaching beyond your current circumstances and your current limits. For me, that meant figuring out how to achieve amazing success while still being a disabled person.

Here's what I want you to take away:

• Mindset isn't luck, talent, or a poster on the wall. It's a system for how you pursue goals, deal with challenges, work with people, and manage your day.
• Challenges aren't a detour from success. Working through them is the path.
• Change starts with you. Waiting for your circumstances to improve keeps you exactly where you are.

So here's my challenge to you. Pick one area of your life where you've been waiting for something to change. Write down one action that is fully in your control, and take it this week. Then share in the comments what you chose. Your life won't change until your mindset does, and your mindset can start changing today.