Shared Experiences

Uncategorized Sep 02, 2021

Society is becoming deeply polarized because we no longer have shared ways of listening to each other. Group cohesion requires every person to have a basic respect of each other at all levels, including families, sports teams, businesses and the whole country.

The best way to build cohesion is through shared experiences. Covid-19 is perhaps the largest experience we are all sharing right now, but we seem to have lost the ability to find any consensus about the facts, let alone solutions.

With the explosion of technology, entertainment, social media and customizable news feeds, the critical task of finding common ground is enormously difficult today. We all carry thousands of possible news sources in our pockets available at the click of a button, each one presenting different preferences, biases, sources and ideologies. This is a radically new world.

Before the smartphone, we were stuck with reading whatever magazines were available in the doctors’ office. But it was also true...

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Amazing or Perfect

Uncategorized Aug 26, 2021

An all-too-common stumbling block is thinking that amazing equals perfect. It leads to a kind of self-sabotage since people refuse to take even the first step to success if it isn’t perfect.

Right now, we have two amazing tools for combatting the Covid-19 pandemic. The first is for people to simply wear a mask when with others so the virus spreads slower. The second tool is rolling out the mRNA vaccine which really is a miracle of medical engineering.

Obviously, neither tool is a perfect solution for the pandemic. Masks can be smelly, feel hot on a face during the Summer and tend to conceal friendly smiles. Likewise, the vaccines are showing some adverse side-effects, generally require a few booster shots to be effective and involve our favorite thing – needles. Yet, these two simple – if imperfect – tools could help immensely in the collective task of pushing back Covid-19, especially in the US.

The key to getting society on the same page about this task...

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Wrong Obsessions part 2

Uncategorized Aug 19, 2021

My previous post was about the importance of not obsessing over the wrong areas of life. This week, I want to unpack how this concept affects my life and the role my disability plays.

I grew up framing my disability as simply an inconvenience, not an anchor holding me down.  All my friends needed help from their parents as well and, strange as it sounds, I did not feel too different from my peers. I was kindly included in many childhood activities and even got invites to plenty of parties. Life was pretty good, actually.

Back at the family home, no one thought my disability got in the way of family life. We just factored in a few extra steps when preparing for activities or before going on outings. This adaptive mindset was ingrained in me from the start, and it still animates my life today.

However, I’d be lying if I said it was all roses and rainbows. During my early twenties, I started to OBSESS over everything my disability denied to me. For instance, my peers were...

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Wrong Obsessions

Uncategorized Aug 12, 2021

The number one killer of creativity is distractions and dealing with life’s challenges requires a lot of creativity.

Recently, I spotted my young son Andrew running on our couch. Andrew said he was getting in the required daily four thousand steps because his Fitbit device said he was behind. He was so serious about the arbitrary goal that it worried me a bit. I didn’t think a Fitbit should be dictating Andrew’s daily activity, so I took the device away and suggested he focus instead on school, friends, being a big brother and, well… being a kid.

It got me thinking about how easy it is to let random things distract us. In this era, few of us can escape distractions. Our attention is constantly being pulled in so many directions it’s tough to focus on our life’s mission.

And while the news can often present a compelling storyline, even following macro-issues in the economy or politics can leave us feeling powerless. Sooner or later, we project...

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Onward Towards Success

Uncategorized Aug 05, 2021

Our life path is the sum of all available opportunities, our socio-economic status, the choices we make, our personal narrative and countless other factors.

We’ve all made a New Year’s resolution. They sound like a good idea at the time. But a frivolous resolution is a perfect example of expecting critical change to come from making one decision. They are a symptom of a society that has developed an unrealistic attitude of demanding instant gratification. Few want to hear the truth that positive habits need to marinate over time.

A better way of thinking about good habits is that you are not trying to improve your life today. Rather, the larger goal is to change the trajectory of your life.

For instance, most people recognize that going to college will certainly limit your short-term earning potential. But they also know that over the long term a college degree can drastically increase one’s pool of contacts and boost their earning potential. The result is...

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Championship Lessons

Uncategorized Jul 30, 2021

Sports are rich in lessons about personal development, and I love listening to sports talk shows unpacking a team’s strategies, tactics and training. So, I’d like to share some of my sports thoughts that also offer excellent insight into achieving amazing success.

 

Use luck, but don’t depend on it

Luck will always influence success, especially in sports. For instance, a key reason the Milwaukee Bucks won the 2021 NBA championship was the team’s comparatively low number of injuries. Of course, the Bucks still needed to put in plenty of hard work to win the games, but the team masterfully figured out how to capitalize on its fitness luck. This is an excellent lesson for personal development.

A major factor in my own success is because my parents enrolled me at a small school in a suburb of Los Angeles. At the time, most school districts would not have accommodated my disabilities, but the Las Virgines Unified School District took good care of me. I was...

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Parts of a Challenge

Uncategorized Jul 22, 2021

When pursuing a goal, many people think challenges must be slain, like a dragon. That is simply not true. All challenges come in two broad types – external and internal – and it’s important to understand the dynamics of both and how best to deal with them.

Every year, I learn a little more about how my disability affects my life. It would be easy for me to believe that if I didn’t have this disability everything would be okay. However, that kind of narrative doesn’t help me understanding my challenges and is a recipe for stagnation.

I have been there before. It was tough for me to find a job after graduating college because even if I found employment, it was a logistical nightmare to get to work. Over the years since, I have hired many people and I always gauge whether the logistics of bringing that person on board makes financial sense for both of us. So, I cannot imagine what my old interviewers were thinking as they sat across from me, pondering what...

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If you want to be happy…

Uncategorized Jul 15, 2021

What’s the point of having an amazing life if it isn’t happy and satisfying? Advertising bombards us with images of what should make us happy, but too few of us take the time to define what happiness truly mean for ourselves. We just assume that happiness will one day arrive on our doorstep, like in a fairytale.

Our happiness is also constantly under attack from every angle. Little things like unexpected bills or rude people can pop up at inopportune times, clouding our happy feelings. Of course, human beings are in some ways wired for negativity which means if we’re not consciously creating happiness all the time, we can end up successful but unsatisfied. It’s a fine balance. Just as there are plenty of joyless millionaires, there are those who own nothing but always seem to be smiling.

While the key to an amazing life is aspiration, it is important to balance ambition with contentment. While my disability robbed me of some of life’s joys, I am still a...

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The Art of Giving and Getting Feedback

Uncategorized Jul 08, 2021

Feedback is crucial to achieving amazing success and there is an art to giving and receiving feedback. While feedback often has a negative association, some people are naturals at offering feedback and don’t seem to mind when it comes their way.

But it’s an odd person who actually enjoys feedback. More often, people react like they are under attack or consider honest criticism to be just nitpicking or nagging. But good feedback can drastically improve the other person’s performance and help both parties accomplish mutually beneficial goals.

Below are some helpful tips on the art of giving natural feedback.

 

Set Expectations Early

Every new relationship is like a dance with both parties gently testing the boundaries and expectations. Each is looking for subtle indicators about whether the other party values being on time, if they will overlook white lies or what kind of language is acceptable. If expectations are not set early, the relationship can be muddled....

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The Art of Feedback

Uncategorized Jul 01, 2021
 

Searching for good feedback is a key part of success. Every athlete depends on a coach’s advice and CEOs always need the input of a board of directors before making a big decision. Feedback systems are everywhere, so why are they rarely discussed?

Top performers know that setting up a personal feedback system will help to hone their decisions, habits, routines and processes. Improving each of these factors will have an enormous impact on their success. Of course, “going it alone” is highly prized in our modern culture. But feedback can exist in harmony with individuality. However, getting the right feedback from the right people at the right time is an art.

The reason people are shy about the topic of feedback is that humans don’t really like change. Rather than grow, we prefer the comfort of our status-quo. We sense that every piece of feedback – solicited or unsolicited – will only mean more tough work at best and giving up something we love at...

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