On Sunday night, I got into bed and watched television. I saw on the DVR that my best friend and roommate Patrick had recorded the movie The Cooler, a dark drama about a guy who cools off hot casino tables. I instantly had a flashback to the first time I watched the movie Christmas Eve 2004. I was in a complete funk. I had no job, I didn’t know whether my disability would stop me, I was interested in a girl who didn’t return the sentiment. I was a mess.
I went to Pat’s house just to get away from it all. We spent Christmas Eve watching The Cooler and Christmas watching basketball.
As I laid in bed on Sunday staring at the name on the DVR, I instantly replayed everything that was happening at that time in my head and I smiled because now I am in a good place. I had just finished talking to my fiancée Leslie, I was sleeping in the master bedroom of my own place, I had my best friend Pat two door down, I just celebrated my mom’s birthday with my whole...
As my manager Kristi is posting this, I am sleeping in the Philippines. I have no idea how my trip is going because I am writing this before I leave. I do not want to interrupt my streak of blog posts just because I am having a good time. Last week I talked about how I’m eager, yet hesitant, to start speaking. I could easily have said to myself that I will just deal with everything when I get back. I could also have said to myself that I’m taking a vacation to get away from everything. One of the reasons that I didn’t want to do that is because I wanted to come back to some kind of structure and momentum. Here’s what I did. I bought a new scanner so I could scan books because my old one conked out. I bought a stack of books so when I get back I can start reading on a more consistent basis. Kristi is going to be working on my autobiography while I’m gone.
Momentum needs attention. I do not want to stop momentum just because I want to have fun. I want to...
I have been really anxious the last few months. Also, I have been hesitant to commit to a path. I have been scared of not liking success. Boy, am I a mess. When anybody starts something big they should be aware of what can go wrong but not dwell on it.
When I look back on my life, everything big involves something that went horribly wrong. If someone told me ahead of time everything that would go wrong, I wouldn’t do a thing. When I went to USC, if someone told me I was going to have a heck of a time finding assistants or one night would hit my mouth against the heater, eventually knocking out my front teeth, there was no way I would have done it. If someone told you everything that went wrong at the airport would you take that trip?
It’s akin to going on a first date. You don’t compare credit reports, you don’t get DNA tests to make sure there’s no incompatibilities. You just enjoy yourselves and see if you dig each other. If you think about everything...
On Tuesday morning I turned on the TV and watched one of my favorite sports radio hosts, Colin Cowherd, talk about the Lakers’ horrible loss to the Thunder. As a Lakers fan, I was disgusted. Normally, I stay away from sports radio on the day of a loss. Colin started arguing that if you are a true Lakers fan then you want the Lakers to lose that way, the worse that they lose, the more likely they are to make a change next year. He went on to say if they barely lose, then the management will say okay, we are close. This got me thinking about life. There are times when we won’t make a change until things get really bad. When things are just okay, they are bearable. We are not necessarily happy, but things have not gotten bad enough to say hey, we need to change. People do it every day in life. Heck, I have done it. The problem is that we should not root for ourselves to lose, but sometimes we need to lose in the short term to win in the long term. Have you ever been in a...
Other than an outright cure for cerebral palsy, there’s one other thing I want to see in my lifetime: a self-driving car. It should be here now, right?
There are three areas that my disability affects communication, mobility, and independence.
I can’t wait for the day when I can get into my car and just tell it to take me to Santa Monica or to meet a friend who I haven’t seen for a while or I’m bored one day and feel just like going to see a movie on a whim, not caring about who wants to go with me.
This technological breakthrough can not only help me and my selfish desires, but can dramatically improve productivity. Imagine a businessman in Los Angeles who has a forty-five minute commute. Instead of driving, he hops into the car and gets out his laptop and just starts to work.
Imagine a mother or father getting into their car and instead of driving, reads or plays with their children. How cool would that be?
So, again, where is my self-driving car?
Last Saturday was the one-year anniversary of when I met my fiancée Leslie.
Earlier that day, I was in San Diego giving a speech. It was one of my favorite speeches ever. It was at a time when I lost myself a little bit. I did not know if I wanted to continue speaking. Also, the months were filled with angst because I had been really focused on getting out there and dating. My mind is always going a hundred miles per hour. I woke up that morning, got ready, and went to a luncheon where I spoke to the Women’s Trojan League and I loved it. I loved every minute of that trip. I had dinner the night before with a college friend of mine. I sat on the balcony of my hotel that had a partial view of the ocean. On stage I was on fire.
I had known about Leslie from my cousin Babak. He told me about her the week before. I came home from the speech and around 8:30 I received a text from Babak’s girlfriend introducing me to my now fiancée. We chatted for about ten...
My old car was on its last legs, so last week we decided it was time to get a brand new car.
My thinking was that I wanted to completely run it into the ground before I got a new car. In Los Angeles, where cars represent status, I couldn’t get excited about getting a new van. After all, no one (who’s anyone) in LA would be caught dead in a van. My parents and I went to Brea (a suburb of LA) to look at some ever-so-exciting new vans and, to my surprise, the Toyota Sienna was quite luxurious. It had more bells and whistles than any car out there. Two DVD players, two sunroofs, navigation system, iPod integration, and Bluetooth.
Now we’re talking!
We decided to pick up the car on Monday.
For whatever reason, the navigation wasn’t working right, because the next thing I knew, my roommate Patrick and I ended up in Vegas. (Just joking that was the plan all along.) We both needed a two-day getaway and since Pat’s son David went to Catalina with his neighbor....
I came home from the gym a couple of Fridays ago, ate some lunch, and went online. I had been excited because my fiancée’s visa was almost approved. I imagined her coming here soon. I went online and read the immigration page, only to learn that she had to have a valid passport for six months before she could even interview, which pushes her arrival until at least August or September.
It made me think about how excited I’ve been to see her. I miss her more now than ever. Since she can’t travel here as soon as I anticipated, I decided to take a trip to the Philippines to visit her and on the way back I’m going to Hawaii.
This is what I’ve always wanted. I feel blessed to be in a committed relationship. I love the little things such as Leslie being the last person I talk to before I fall asleep or getting her early morning text messages telling me to have a nice day.
If that’s not enough, I remind myself about how hard it was to get to this...
Last week I debated whether I would rather be disabled for life or be disabled in an accident,or something like that.
I just read a book by Matt Long called The Long Run. Matt was a firefighter in New York and he had a terrible bike accident that left him disabled. He ultimately regained most of his body control and ran a marathon.
What struck me was the way he discussed everything he missed–including how he was perceived by women, how he missed going out for steak and beer, and most of all how he missed running.
He really missed running.
He described running as his lifeline. All he wanted to do was run a marathon.
It got me thinking a little bit more about what I wrote last week. When Matt talked about running, there was a hunger there that, in a weird way, I don’t understand. I mean, I have fantasies about not being disabled, but the memories he had of running were different than my fantasies of not being disabled. Needless to say, it is different and I’m a...
Last Friday I had a hang nail on my left toe.
(TMI, I know, but there’s a point.)
My dad ripped it off and it started bleeding.
When I’m not in my wheelchair, I maneuver around my bedroom and living room on my knees. Unfortunately, this injured toe does not allow me to do so. In fact, on Sunday it took me ten minutes just to get to the bathroom. Needless to say, I can’t wait for my toe to get better.
The story is about more than my stupid owie. There’s a part of me that has no idea what it means NOT to be disabled. I can imagine and fantasize about not being disabled…and I do. I really don’t know what it’s like though. What I do know is what it’s like to crawl without a bum toe and I miss it.
I’ve been asked a few times whether I would rather have been disabled by accident later in life or be the way I am and disabled from birth. Every time I have an owie like the one I currently have on my toe, the question always comes up,...